Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize