I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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