I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
