I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
