Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
