Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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