My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
