omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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