So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he thought i was a dude.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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