The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
