Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
