Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have aggressive nipples.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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