Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well I just put wine in my tea
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Everyone says I win the strip club
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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