i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
