mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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