you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
