DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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