I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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