dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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