Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
