My liver just broke up with me...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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