I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
