fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
