im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
