Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
