trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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