Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
