I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize