Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
