Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
