Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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