bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We talked him into tasing himself.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
