Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
