I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
