there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
