i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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