You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
