Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
