remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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