was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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