I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
