and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
