And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Shame is for Republicans.
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