How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We just shotgunned beers for America
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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