If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
