girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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