my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
