I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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