Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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