I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
