My friends, they love my intelligence
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
