dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize