Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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