I just made out with a guy for $7.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
