Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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