i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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