4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
