I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
