If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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