I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
