I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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