It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
