That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
