love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
