You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
