your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Every concussion has its silver lining
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize