Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
