whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My bed smells like the plague
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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