Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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