Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
tell me about the eggs
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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