you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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