he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
